Just for a laugh
- Thread starter PhilH
- Start date
Richard Gawler
Western Thunderer
I found this on Marion's phone and thought it would fit in here.
A burglar, paying a nocturnal visit, enters this room by torchlight. He is part way across when he hears a voice:
‘Jesus is watching you!’
The burglar’s heart misses a few beats, settles and he takes another pace when the voice says again,
‘Jesus is still watching you!’
The burglar shines his torch around the room a sees a parrot.
‘Was that you?’ asks the burglar.
‘Yes,’ says the parrot.
‘Oh. What’s your name?’
‘Dylan,’ answers the parrot.
‘Silly name for a parrot, isn’t it?
‘Perhaps’, says the parrot, ‘and Jesus is a silly name for a Rotweiller . . . who's still watching you!!’
‘Jesus is watching you!’
The burglar’s heart misses a few beats, settles and he takes another pace when the voice says again,
‘Jesus is still watching you!’
The burglar shines his torch around the room a sees a parrot.
‘Was that you?’ asks the burglar.
‘Yes,’ says the parrot.
‘Oh. What’s your name?’
‘Dylan,’ answers the parrot.
‘Silly name for a parrot, isn’t it?
‘Perhaps’, says the parrot, ‘and Jesus is a silly name for a Rotweiller . . . who's still watching you!!’
A successful gynaecologist got to that mid-life stage when he had had enough of dealing with women's bits and decided on a change of career. He had always had an interest in cars, so he went to college and re-trained as a car mechanic.
He was at home with his wife when the results of his training exams came through in the post. He opened the envelope and found he had passed with flying colours, achieving 200%. He remarked on this to his wife saying that car mechanics were not always viewed as being on a par with academics, but even they must know you cannot get 200% in an exam.
He contacted the course director who said our gynaecologist had been a superb student, getting every single question and test correct. He could not have done any better, which was why he had achieved maximum marks. The practical examination concerning the dismantling and reassembly of the engine had been particularly impressive, so much so they felt they had to award a bonus 100% to make the 200% in his letter, because he had carried out the whole test through the exhaust pipe!
He was at home with his wife when the results of his training exams came through in the post. He opened the envelope and found he had passed with flying colours, achieving 200%. He remarked on this to his wife saying that car mechanics were not always viewed as being on a par with academics, but even they must know you cannot get 200% in an exam.
He contacted the course director who said our gynaecologist had been a superb student, getting every single question and test correct. He could not have done any better, which was why he had achieved maximum marks. The practical examination concerning the dismantling and reassembly of the engine had been particularly impressive, so much so they felt they had to award a bonus 100% to make the 200% in his letter, because he had carried out the whole test through the exhaust pipe!
We have a cat like that. When pointedly approaching my wife (for it is always her space he covets), it is referred to as 'God's chair syndrome'.
Overseer
Western Thunderer
Have they been put in a coffin together? I hadn’t heard the news.
paulc
Western Thunderer
Oh , we can wish but reality keeps getting in the way .
Richard Gawler
Western Thunderer
"Hook a Duck" on a large scale at the Doe Show at Ulting (near Maldon Essex) yesterday morning.
I succeeded at my first attempt, but not the fastest time of the day.
The show continues today and tomorrow.
I succeeded at my first attempt, but not the fastest time of the day.
The show continues today and tomorrow.
oldravendale
Western Thunderer
That is brilliant!
Brian
Brian
David Waite
Western Thunderer
Here is one from me
An elderly couple returned to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful Leggy, Busty Blonde. I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU’D HOLD THAT CAR TILL WE RAISED THE $75,000 ASKING PRICE complained the old man. YET I JUST HEARD YOU CLOSE THE DEAL FOR $65,000 TO THAT LOVELY YOUNG LADY OVER THERE, AND YOU INSISTED TO US THAT THERE COULD BE NO DISCOUNT ON THIS MODEL.
What can I tell you? She had the ready cash, and just look at her, how could I resist?” replied the grinning salesman.
Just then the young woman approach the old folks and handed them the keys, There you go, she said.
I TOLD YOU I COULD GET THIS JOKER TO DROP THE PRICE. See ya later grandpa.
David.
An elderly couple returned to a Mercedes dealership to find the salesman had just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful Leggy, Busty Blonde. I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU’D HOLD THAT CAR TILL WE RAISED THE $75,000 ASKING PRICE complained the old man. YET I JUST HEARD YOU CLOSE THE DEAL FOR $65,000 TO THAT LOVELY YOUNG LADY OVER THERE, AND YOU INSISTED TO US THAT THERE COULD BE NO DISCOUNT ON THIS MODEL.
What can I tell you? She had the ready cash, and just look at her, how could I resist?” replied the grinning salesman.
Just then the young woman approach the old folks and handed them the keys, There you go, she said.
I TOLD YOU I COULD GET THIS JOKER TO DROP THE PRICE. See ya later grandpa.
David.
